Το τραγούδι των φιλοσόφων

Έχοντας πέσει με τα μούτρα στο δύσκολο πρόβλημα του Chalmers, αναρωτιόμουν (ξανά) τι παίρνει ακριβώς και δεν μπορούσα παρά να θυμηθώ ένα σχετικό τραγουδάκι των Pythons για τους φιλοσόφους γενικότερα... Το ότι κάνουν τους Αυστραλούς καθηγητές φιλοσοφίας λέτε να είναι τυχαίο;
(4 λεπτά είναι όλο κι όλο για αυτούς που βιάζονται...)

BRUCE I (EI):
Good evening, Ladies and Bruces!

BRUCE II (MP):
Hello, Bruce.

BRUCE I:
G'day, Bruce.

BRUCE III (NI):
How are ya, Bruce.

BRUCE I:
How are ya, Bruce?

BRUCE II:
What's all this lot, Bruce?

BRUCE I:
Well, it's very nice to be here at the Hollywood Bowl this evening! (cheers
from the crowd) We're all philosophy professors from the University of
Woolamaloa, Australia!

BRUCES:
Australia, Australia, Australia!

BRUCE I AND II:
We love ya!

BRUCE III:
God help her!

BRUCE I:
I teach Hegaelian philosophy, Bruce here teaches Aristotolean philosophy,
and Bruce here is in charge of the sheep dip.

BRUCE II:
[Cough] Bloody difficult work, I tell ya!

BRUCE I:
I'll tell you what, it's thirsty work watching this kind of humor, Bruce.
Why don't you just stick out a few of these little free samples from your
Esky and leave ----

BRUCE II:
What, give these ---- give these Americans our precious cans of ----

[Bruce II throws cans of Fosters from his ice box into the audience.]

BRUCE I:
See how awful they are, grasping and go-getting.

BRUCE II:
Okay, one over there.

BRUCE I:
You can feel morally superior and smug.

BRUCE II:
Right, there's one coming right over there. Mind out, charlies! A big one,
one big one, there we go!

BRUCE I:
All right! Now, the reason we do this, Ladies and Bruces, is frankly over
here we find your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe.

BRUCE III:
Making love in a canoe?

BRUCE I:
It's fucking close to water!

BRUCE II:
Piss!

BRUCE I:
Well now, we're going to try and raise the tone a little here by singing a
nice intellectual song for for those two or three of you in the audience...

BRUCE II:
Right!

BRUCE I:
...who understand these things. So, here we go!

BRUCES:
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietszche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed...

(cheers from audience)

BRUCE I:
Just a...

BRUCE II:
How do you like that? All right!

BRUCE I:
Let's hold it a second. I can see some of these Bruces are in a bit of a
playful mood tonight. Ain't it that, Bruce?

BRUCE II:
Yeah, Bruce.

BRUCE I:
Some of the ones that don't have straws up their nose. Anyway, why don't we
do something rather... Why don't we get some of these guys to sing along
with us? Okay, and some of the Sheilas too.

BRUCE II:
Ok, I've got the words somewhere.

BRUCE I:
Right! Ready!

BRUCE II:
Right! Ready!

ALL:
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable

[Bruce II is holding a tiny piece of paper with the lyrics on it, much too
far away to see. =) ]

BRUCE II (weakly):
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy...

[Much laughter from the audience]

BRUCE I:
They're a typical Hollywood audience. All the kids are on drugs, and all the
adults are on roller skates.

BRUCE II:
Very philosophical, Bruce, I like it.

BRUCE I:
Have we got any... have we got anything bigger to put the words up for these
rather shortsighted people?

[A scantily clad Sheila (CC) enters. Words appear on a large screen in back.]

BRUCE II:
This is Bruce from the Biology Department.

BRUCE I:
All right. Okay, here we go.

ALL:
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable

BRUCE II:
Come on!

ALL:
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietszche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his Dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am !"
Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed